Here I Go Again.

A silly photo of me! 

Here I Go Again

It's been a few years since I've blogged.  It amazes me how the spirit of writing will come and go.  Often, when it comes, I am not in the position to write.  So, I write in my mind.  I write volumes of heartfelt texts.  I write ideas about life.  I write encouraging notes and endearing inspirational stories.  I find that we all need a dialog whether it be written or spoken or thought.  We NEED to hear words.  I NEED to hear words.  I know I am not alone with this and I am desperate to internalize that truth:  I am not alone.

Once in awhile there comes a day when I think that no one wants or needs to hear MY words.  I suffer momentarily from the insecurity or inferiority that makes my mind go into that zone where it tells me that I have nothing to offer the world.  I go to that place where I convince myself that I am the only one who thinks a certain way and that all of the things that 'pass through Jane's head' are singular and narrow.  

Then the sun comes out behind my eyes and my heart lifts. I look to the horizon and I am filled with the realization that those other thoughts are lies.  Those are stories that I tell myself because we tell ourselves the most awful stories.  Momentarily, I cling to the cliff of self-doubt, but I need to fling that leg over the cliff and remind myself that I need people.  People need to hear from each other and connect to each other.  Women need to connect to each other.  This is an integral part of life and it truly is the wind that carries the current of fellowship - of inter-connectedness - which allows us to see each other, to carry each other and to love each other.  Loving each other helps us to love ourselves and that, in essence, is what we all need. 

So, here I write again.  I am opening up my heart and my mind to vulnerability.  I am giving myself permission to NOT listen to that inner critic that tells me those stories.  I am choosing to step out in faith and trust that my thoughts are needed in the universe.  There is a market for my experiences fed through my thoughts and transformed into my words.  I trust and believe that MY own needs are the very same needs of another and another and another. I am, therefore I write.  I write because I have to for my own sanity, growth and joy.  I need to connect through words but beyond the words, I need to connect with the reader who hopefully finds even a morsel of herself in my offerings.

Take Good Care Today.