Don't Lose Your Taste for Authenticity (for Kathy and Leann)

 

Don't Lose Your Taste for Authenticity

(A blog post for Kathy and Leann - because they know what I'm talking about)

I made plain, old fashioned muffins recently.  I used to make these muffins years and years ago.  They are a plain muffin with a scoop of jam placed in the middle and then baked.  There is nothing overly sweet about them.  They are not beautiful looking and they are not fancy by any stretch.  Somehow, however, they are perfect on this day.  They taste authentic.  

What does authentic taste like to me today?  Well, it tastes of raising children in the back woods of Vermont on less money than anyone could ever imagine.  It tastes of using my resources because that is all I had.  It tastes of climbing hills to apple trees to render what we could so we could put up free applesauce for winter babies' mouths.  This muffin represents a woman who made the family bread weekly and created home-made decorations out of construction paper when birthdays arose.  Authenticity is reusing and repurposing anything and everything so that something new could be made.  It is styling second-hand clothes in such a way that everyone thinks you're a fashion model.  It is daring and pure and necessary and wonderful.  

This simple muffin is my life.  One that I would not change any aspect of because I am in need of all it has brought and taught me.  I would not be my authentic self if I did not cry when spoken to harshly.  I would not be my true self if I did not attempt to twirl on any given surface when I am happy.  I couldn't be me without my childhood trauma, my red headed children, my dearest two friends that have held me up so many days, my husband who is my breath and even this silly dog who pants beside me as I type.  I am true authenticity even if it means I own false eye lashes and fake tanner.  I am the authentic Jane who can't see this writing through the tears, who celebrates little things like worms and throws Christmas Bingo parties for 2 during the holidays for a less than thrilled husband.

Where does your authenticity lie?  I would love to know!  

Take Good Care today.  Stay Close to God.  

A Chance to Breathe

A Chance to Breathe

We live in a world where we don't take the chance often enough to just breathe.  Even our vacations are filled with craziness! If you're like me, it takes a few days, anyway, to get into the flow of what it is like to relax.  Our bodies are not familiar with relaxation and letting go of structure and the constant need to be filled with something in front of our eyes and ears.  

I've often written of my perfect day.  Yes, it is a day free of obligations and errands.  It has writing and reading and running in it.  A fresh shower with some rosy smelling soap, a little sit in the sunshine...some baking (and nibbling).  It would include quiet and green, lush, leaves from trees.  As I list my favorite things, I realize these feed me.  They cause me to have a chance to breathe.  I breathe in restful calmness.  I breathe in restoration.  I experience a replenishing of soul-deep connection to who I am and always was- but lost in the world's chaos. 

We all need this.  Men and women alike.  Sometimes we go and go and never stop.  When I was raising my children, we had one pj day a week if we possibly could.  It was something we loved.  We climbed onto the bed and watched movies, read books, and played board games.  We made snacks and cuddled.  I can't have that back, but I can learn to adjust and do these things for and by myself.  They are the essence of life.  

Without the moments that fill our souls, we become shells of who we could and should be.  We become a shadow self-the black and white version of who we were meant to be, what we work so hard for and thus, what we have left for the world is shallow and weak.  You cannot stop this from always happening.  Some of the time - we get there because it's required of us to go fast.  Often, though, we have room to exercise restraint on what we allow the world to steal from us.  This, we must do, friend.  We must protect our hearts from the invasion of 'it' all.  

Stay close to God.

Take good care today.  

When You're Hurt

 

                                                            

                                                              When You're Hurt

Recently, I suffered an injury by my own hand.  What I mean is that I caused myself to be injured by over-exercising a particular muscle that was already hurting and I've had to rest for a few weeks now with no exercise at all.  This is so hard for me to do, and it's not the first time I've done this.  I should know better, but I don't.  I am a driven person when it comes to some things and I can't listen to the voice of reason.  Thus, I am hurt.  

I don't like being hurt.  It throws me off.  I don't know where I am anymore when I am stuck on the couch with an injury.  I mean, I know where I am - I just don't know where I am.  Pain causes us to see the world in a different way, it colors all that we know and trust.  It makes us shaky and weird.  I don't like it.  I can't seem to eat right, my joy is gone and I feel impatient and worried.  You would think I would learn not to cause myself pain, but I can't always get to the 'perfect' Jane I so want to be.

Similarly, we can cause ourselves pain by beating ourselves up.  I am quite familiar with this little gig.  Something happened in my life where I let myself and some others down.  I didn't do it intentionally, and I was not solely responsible for this event, but nonetheless, it is a position I find myself in.  I find I am hurt, once again.  My heart hurts-and unlike the physical pain I am going through, ice doesn't help this one.  The remedy for this pain is going to have to be time and my own forgiveness to myself.  I have to move on having learned a lesson and not allow myself the luxury of wallowing or pitying.  

To add insult to injury, someone I know recently came to me and told me they were sorry for talking bad about me behind my back.  While this might have been beneficial to the person, it HURT me so much.  I have to find a way to hold up my own worth and move to a higher ground.  

Life is full of moments that will cause us pain, both physically and emotionally.  We must work to see through all of these by being kind to ourselves and trusting in our God who loves us and cares about every little thing.  Jesus is not for fun days only.  I need Jesus every minute of every day.  My hurt belongs to Him and it's the only way I can make it another day.  The same is true for all of us whether we know it or not.  

Grow through hurt.  

Make it a good day.  :)

    

Unreasonable Expectations - Don't Go There

 If I could tell one thing to my younger self it would be, "Do not set unreasonable expectations for yourself."  Throughout life we are exposed to so many opinions, viewpoints, advertisements and beliefs that we sometimes find ourselves trying to measure up to many, if not all, of them.  We see something that catches our attention, and we often are swayed to feel or think we HAVE to imitate it.  This is very true of advertisements which are geared toward this very reaction.  Our economy is premised on the promise that we will be coerced into purchasing whatever is for sale in order to try to achieve it for ourselves.  This is sadly inauthentic and a sad way to live.  

I did an experiment once where I  spent one whole quiet summer (before internet) without looking at magazines and flyers that came in the mail.  I wanted to see what would happen if I reduced my exposure to things I might WANT.  I had no television during those years, so this really was a valid trial.  I was not tempted by new clothes and I also felt a little happier with my own appearance, which I have always criticized.  This was a nice experience for me.  

 It is important consider that we might be unhappy in portions of our lives because we are constantly being held up against unrealistic expectations.  I have to confess, I have held myself to extremely high standards that have many times exceeded the realm of realistic. I have pushed myself often to run farther, be thinner, smarter, accomplish more…the list is truly rather long.  It’s unfortunate in some ways, but it’s also part of what it means to live in this world where a continual barrage of input comes our way.  

I have begun to look around less and look inside more. I like shutting everything down and reading, crocheting, baking, exercising, writing, praying, listening, seeing, resting.  It’s been so good for my soul.  I can sometimes get distracted, but I want my life to be MY LIFE.  Not social media, websites, t.v., movies, Netflix, etc.  I want my mind to be TO BELONG ME and GOD.  

One of my best friends once said she was sick of taking pictures of life and posting them.  She just wanted to live it instead.  I Agree! Have you set unrealistic expectations on yourself? Trust my experience, it’s a hard way to live-and is it really living?  

Take good care today.

Your Heart is an Organ

 

                                                               Your Heart is an Organ

If you know my story, you know that I had a pretty terrible father.  From my earliest memory, all I knew was a man who beat up on my mother, was negligent to the family, and weird with us kids.  He was a dangerous man and because of the trauma he put our family through, I was an incredibly scared and insecure child.  When I use the word 'insecure' here I mean that we had NO SECURITY.  My father was in and out of our lives so often that abandonment was a normal, if terrifying, feeling.  It was easier not having him around even if it meant we had nothing to eat or were cold in the tiny, uninsulated Vermont camp he had dragged us to.  The police took him away when I was 7 ish and I didn't have to see him any more.

My mom did her best and we soon moved to an apartment above a store in a small village.  One day I received a large box in the mail.  I should let you know here that I did not know who Jesus was.  He was not taught or shown to me by anyone, ever.  I knew of God (Catholic school) but it was not a very deep or detailed knowledge.  Back to my package!  When opened, I discovered it was a child's organ!  I mean the  instrument kind!  It had legs and a little bench.  The card said, 'from your father.'  Well, I was excited to have anything to play with, so I learned to play that organ as if it were the only toy I had, (which isn't far from the truth!)  

The organ came with one little book.  The book was purple and it was composed of only hymns.  I had no idea what they meant, but I played and sang songs like, "Faith of our Fathers, Amazing Grace, What a Friend I Have in Jesus," etc.  I sang and played and played and sang!  

I have recently thought a lot about this organ.  I am beginning to think this was a miracle in my life.  I am inclined to believe this gift was from my Father in Heaven and not my earthly father.  I wonder if God was looking down at me and thought, "I am going to save this little girl somehow, and if no one else will do it, I'll do it myself."  

In pondering this whole story, I also began to think about the double meaning in the word, 'organ.'  God sent me an Organ!  I mean, what could be more ironic and yet so fitting?  I am ever so thankful that these were the first seeds planted in my (organ) HEART and they were directed by my Lord himself.  How could I ever question my salvation or my purpose on this earth?  Clearly, I am SO LOVED by God.  

And you know what?  So are you, sister!  So are you!  

Take Good Care Today.  

 I love mornings.  The song of birds fills my ears and the sunlight is fresh and warm.  Mornings are inviting and promising.  Mornings are free and ready to bloom. They hold excitement and joy.   Mornings can be my favorite part of my days.  

However, mornings can also be pretty tough.  Morning time can be when the serotonin levels are down in the body and that can serve to feel oppressive.  Perhaps you have experienced what I experience which is a time of anxiety and gloominess that takes positive self-talk and the moving of my body to work through it.  It takes energy and hard work to turn it around.  I would also add, mornings can be that low that Satan is just waiting for so he can get  'in'.  It's his favorite thing to do  -  hold you back.  He loves to torment.  Ephesians 4:27 says, "Do not give the devil a foothold."  We must hold the word of God up in the face of Satan, each and every day.  Ephesians 6:12 is what we must do daily, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  

When we moved to a new state where we knew no one, I experienced a whole new level of this morning suffering.  It made me afraid that I was headed to a bad place where I wouldn't be able to rise out of.  There were times I wanted to sit and cry, and sometimes I did.  However, I used to use my own self to try hard to get out of these moments.  I now see that that does not work for long, if at all.  What I have to do, and what you have to do, is to read our Bibles and put on the Full Armor of God daily!  Ephesians 6:10-18 says:  10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Biblegateway.com, NIV).

I've always felt a little abused by emotions.  I have felt they have bullied me much of my life - pushing me to places I never wanted to go.  They've been the path that is worn and open as opposed to the one that I have to hack away at to see my way through.  Emotions are something I've come to know need my utmost attention in order to not let them rule.  But, it is not merely emotion...it is emotion fueled by Satan.  This is where he likes to get his foothold with me.  I must stand firm daily, creating a new day with Jesus Christ where no fiery barbs of the devil can even come close!

So, with me, won't you put on your armor, stand firm against Satan, look out to the sunshine, get some exercise and rest happily in the love of Jesus Christ?  It's the only way to go.  

Take good care today.