Don't Buy the Stereotype

Stereotypes are tough.  They are insidious and they are damaging.  We don't often realize when we are stereotyping someone and we don't often realize when we are stereotyping ourselves.  We cannot get through this life, it seems, without being the recipient of another's judgments, however, we can be careful to not judge ourselves.  

Often someone will say something to us and it hurts us to a point that we change a little inside after their comment.  If someone is coming from a kind and loving place and they want to help you to become a better person, it might be a positive experience for us to receive their comments in order to be a more outstanding human on this earth, but the person had better be pure of heart when doing so....and a very dear friend who knows you well.  They must be experienced and wise and have only your best interests at heart.  They must not be stereotyping you, putting you in a category for a weird reason, but truly wanting to guide you.

Others will give you a label, put you in a box and hurt you for years.  For example.  "Crying is a sign of weakness, and those who cry a lot are weak."  Oh boy.  Don't get me going.  I think I'm pretty strong.  I've lived through much and have come through better each time.  It takes me a minute sometimes to adjust to life's little quirks, but after I do, I take them on with a fever.  That said, I'm a crier.  I cry.  I cry at meetings.  I cry in front of my students, I cry in front of their parents.  My colleagues know I cry,  I just cry.  I am an emotional, passionate person.  I get tired, overwhelmed, moved, touched, pushed....all are triggers that make me cry.  I FEEL.  I cry from compassion a lot which is my NUMBER ONE trait.  I am compassionate.  Would I want me any other way?  Nope.

What can I say?  Don't stereotype me as weak.  Because crying and weakness are not synonymous. 

Are you feeling stereotyped?  Don't buy it.  Speak to that situation and hold your finger down on any type of stereotyping from others or from yourself.  You are unique and you don't fit a mold.

Take Good Care Today.

Create Deep Relationships

Life is meant to be felt deeply.  We are made to feel strongly and to connect to each other in a way that binds us together.  Sometimes we have family to whom we are very, very close.  But not always, many people feel they are closer to certain friends than to family members.  Wherever you are and whoever you find yourself close to, be sure you make some of those connections strong.

My husband has always said one should not have friends at one's workplace.  He has worked for the same company for 20 years and he has held pretty close to this.  He does have a couple people he has bonded with but would rather remain distant from others because he doesn't feel work should be combined with personal.  

I, however, throw it all out there and gather closeness where I can.  I don't much care where it comes from.  Let me clarify.  I don't mean I'll take any kind of closeness.  I mean, it matters not to me from whence it hails.  We can't force closeness so when I make a connection with someone I am thrilled and try to nurture that.  Sometimes I especially need it at work!  But, that said, I see my husband's point because I have been burned at work.  ALWAYS  know who you can trust.  

When it comes to family, sometimes you try very hard and can't make connections that are deep with certain people.  I have more than a few family members that ought to be very close to my heart and they just don't make it there.  Why?  Well, sometimes because they pull away and other times I don't allow them in.  Not everyone is a fit.  Even when we encourage a fit, we don't meld together.  

Find those who fit for you and love those relationships wholly.  Nurture the bonds and create the memories together.  Life is WAY too short to not be close to one another.

Take Good Care Today.

Hope Springs Eternal

Alexander Pope said it.  "Hope springs eternal in the human breast, man never is, but always to be blest."  

Thank goodness for words like these.  If I didn't hold close to hope, I might have thrown in the towel many years ago!  But, I have always clung to this word and it has inspired me to press on knowing that hope will rise again in my heart and I will pull through anything.  

When in the midst of turmoil and strife it can be so hard to keep the way clear to hope.  We get disillusioned and confused.  We lose hope and put our faith in nothing.  We can't imagine our way through a situation so we give up hope.  When we are down and out and can't see a fix, the last thing we should do is give up.  Here is a story for you to prove my point:

It was 1994.  We were living in an old farmhouse in a rural town in Vermont.  You could see another house from the front yard if you tried.  A car went by once or twice an hour.  My husband had purchased a second-hand furnace to heat our old home with and was situated on the back of his pick up with it.  The truck was backed in toward the bulkhead of the basement and he was scratching his head trying to figure out a way to get the 350 lb. unit off the truck so he could wheel it into the cellar. I poked my head out the front door and I said, "Let's pray it off!"  He laughed but no sooner did he begin his chortle than we heard a diesel engine coming.  This rarely ever happened. We were both astonished when a bucket loader came around the corner. It wasn't it a piece of town equipment.  We had never seen the driver before.  My husband waved him over and asked him what he'd charge to get the furnace off the truck.  The man replied, "I don't know but it'll have to be quick!"  He swung in, took the furnace off the truck and was on his way.  From start to finish the entire episode lasted under 5 minutes.  In my eyes, it was a miracle and the man was an angel.

It's the small things, folks.  Never give up hope.  Miracles come in all forms, shapes and sizes.  Sometimes they run on diesel fuel.

Take Good Care Today.

Tomorrow Tomorrow and Tomorrow

There is always tomorrow.  We don't need to stress about getting everything done in one day.  Sometimes it has been hard for me to put things off until tomorrow.  It can be a challenge for me to not get everything accomplished from sunrise to sunset.  I've had to learn to take it slower, be calmer and chunk out tasks and endeavors.

A personal struggle I've had is that I don't like being outdone.  Because of this, I've pushed myself so much that I get exhausted.  It is silly to think you're going to be the best at everything.  But, yes, I've expected that of myself throughout my lifetime.  I've run farther, taken more courses, read more books, etc. in order to be better, better, better.  The BEST.  But, it cannot be maintained throughout a lifetime and it should not be.  We should settle into who we are and question why we feel so driven to be better, when what we are is enough and lovely as it is.  So, I question this in myself and as I do I settle and relax and accept and appreciate.

There is always tomorrow.  We keep rolling.  What we experience today, what we expect today, will be there tomorrow for us to pick up and go with again.  We don't have to push so hard.  We can accomplish what needs to be done in 2 days rather than one.  We will be just as great as we are now.

Tomorrow is a wonderful day and an amazing gift.  Leave some things to be done for tomorrow.  Rest in knowing that you'll never run out of tasks for tomorrow.  You'll need as many tomorrows as you have and to be honest, you'll have as many tomorrows as you get and you really can't change that.  Don't think too much about this, don't get too into your own head, just rest a little, calm down a little and leave a few things undone.  It takes practice.  If you have to write those items down so you can complete them tomorrow, do so.  But, then leave them there.  

Practice saving some things to do for another day.

Take Good Care Today.

When All Else Fails

When all else fails, dig down deep and pull yourself up and into life.  You can do it.  You have no other choice that is for your benefit.  It won't be the last time you do so.  It is a good talent to hone.  We sometimes get tired and overwhelmed.  We are overbooked, over committed and over the top!  We have too much to do and too little time to accomplish what needs to be done.  When faced with this, if you can't alter what you are involved with or your commitment to these - this is when you jump in and don't look back.

When life begins to spin too fast for me and all I can do is dig in my heels, clench my fists and hang on for dear life, I try put myself on auto pilot.  I make ridiculously over-detailed lists for myself, often even referring to when to eat.  I stick close to the list so I don't forget a single item and I ride the wave of life until the ocean settles down.  I always keep in mind that it will settle down.

I've been here before.  It's a fast moving comet and I'm on the tail.  I fly high and spin fast and the propellant motion keeps me alight.  It is not something that can be sustained for long, but I find that if I am over planned and completely organized, I will prevail and all will settle down when it does.  

Others are so careful and easily float through these times without planning or an organized manner.  I don't know how they do it and I am a bit jealous that they can.  Often things roll along so smoothly for these folks and one would never know that they didn't put the same amount of stress and angst into getting through the same exact situations you are going through.  To each his own and I am glad for them, but I can't roll that way!

When the dust settles we all find ourselves at the same point anyway.  We just arrive at different times and by alternative routes.  It can be a rough ride, but whatever works for you...works for you.  Ride the waves of life and hang on!

Take Good Care Today!

Practice Zen

When I say 'practice Zen' I don't mean actually practice the religion, although, you certainly can.  I am using the word as it has come to mean in our modern times, with a very liberal approach.  I simply mean, remain open, detach from situations, and roll with things.  I can do this pretty well, but sometimes, I just have to remind myself to calm down and go with life.

Silly things bother me.  Truly, I will let the dumbest life events, or situations annoy the heck out of me.  When I focus on these bothers, they grow.  I internalize them.  I invent scenarios around them. They get bigger and stronger within me.  I devote good, honest time to them.  They get more annoying and harder to deal with.  I imagine if I do this, I am not alone; you might do this, too.

If I make a conscious effort, however, to release what is bothering me to the universe, I calm down and suddenly realize how  wasteful my time was spent pining over irrelevant things.  What does it matter if someone gets there first?  What does it matter if I take direction from another person?  How will my life alter if I just relax and let the flow of life exist as it is going to, smile and adjust, do my best and move on?  I think only good can come from that.

I admire those of us who can so easily do this.  I honestly do know people who are like this.  Things don't get to them.  They don't get offended, or feel pushed around, or annoyed.  Or at least they don't seem to.  They just appear relaxed as life's situations revolve around them and they are thankful and sincerely sweet.  All the while I am bucking in the corner like a bronco trying to get what they have and miserably stewing.  I want more for myself.

So, I am going to breathe in my zen.  I am going to remind myself to let things go.  Nothing really matters.  We are little drops in a spinning universe.  Large bodies of astronomical masses spin around us and we choose to agonize over THE MOST INCONSEQUENTIAL THINGS.  I want to be more enlightened than this.  I choose ZEN today.

If this helps you to choose ZEN as well, let me know sometime!

Take Good Care Today!

Go Where the Love Is

There are going to be people who don't know how to find their way to the love side of life.  There are going to be people in your family, people with whom you work...somehow, somewhere, sometime, you are going to have to be around these people.  This has always been an oddity to me.  These folks seem to mire in their own misery.  Day after day they are downcast.  Month after month they spread their down-turned faces to the world dragging those around them into their despair.  

I can't do it.  I can't tolerate it.  I won't go there.  I refuse to be dragged down.  This makes me the outcast in their group, quite often.  But, let that be so.  I have a down day now and again, but I refuse to remain in that place.  I want to receive the goodness of the world and I want so desperately to shower that goodness wherever I go.  I cannot and could not face the world each day with the glum of the folks that do.

I know we each have our struggles and I am sure this is the struggle of the downtrodden person.  They don't want to be this way.  It takes a lot of inner work to rise up out of it.  One needs to work on their self-esteem, confidence, ability to relate to others.  All of these are deep rooted and are some of the reasons people remain in their misery.  But, I don't have to be pulled in.  I won't be.

Funny thing is, there is usually more than one person who suffers this way.  They gather together and feed off each other.  They build strong bonds where their harsh view of the world is tolerated and where others, the positive ones, just don't fit in.  Let them have each other.  They are free for the taking because I choose to go where the love is.

Go with me.

Take Good Care Today.  

Hold Your Tongue and Your Ego

Certain things just don't need to be said.  Words might be itching to escape your mouth and you are just dying to let them fly...but a little restraint goes a long way sometimes.  It is one of the most difficult things we can practice and it takes A LOT of practice to contain our mouths.  I have worked on this over the years and I continue to do so.  I am not sure anyone is perfect at this.

If you invest some time into learning about the 'ego', you can discover why your mouth wants to get away from you.  When we stay connected to our egos we find we must express every thought that pushes to the surface.  We need to be heard.  We want to get OUR thoughts out.  We want to push OUR opinions on others.  We want to express what We know.  All of this is our egos...fighting to be heard.  Wanting to take over.  

I try so hard not to offer my opinion to someone unless they are asking for it.  (Unless I am in the classroom, then it is my job to offer my opinion.)  People use others to bounce ideas off from and it is okay to just listen to others and smile and let them have that opportunity.  However, once you get your ego involved, you've gone too far.  You've crossed the line of a good listener.  Ego: 1.

Have you ever been innocently visiting with another when they offer advice about your housekeeping or clothing?  This is their ego surfacing and they are judging you by their standards.  It is hard not to do this.  It is also difficult when it is done to you.  The best way out is to smile and move on, because truly it is unintentional most of the time.  

What a freedom it is to NOT offer your ego all the time!  Try it.  You see the world from a very unbiased and clean venue.  

Take Good Care Today.  

Know What You Know

How many times have you felt that little twinge in your center that tries to tell you to stick with what you know?  Advice comes from all over. However, though much of the words we receive from others is well intentioned, it does not always apply to us.  We often seek wisdom from others and go down paths that we truly believe, for a time, will be our new salvation.  However, many times in our lives, our answers laid within us, waiting to be uncovered.

We can't always be objective when it comes to our own hearts and minds.  We think we should be something we're not.  We think our ways aren't valid.  Others insert their words of wisdom into our lives without our asking.  We are pulled in various directions.  We over-think.  We create angst.  We suffer.  We consider other's ways to tedium.  Then, somehow, mysteriously, we settle into what we knew all along.

We are wise within ourselves if we just stop and listen to our hearts.  We know what we know already.  We've spent our own lifetimes working through how to be specifically, 'us'.  We're quite good at it.  We can trust our own intuitions.  We're women.  This isn't the first time we've pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps   We know what we know.

I would encourage you today to think about what you know.  In the education world this is called, metacognition.  Thinking about your own thinking.  We so quickly seek advice but truly we know what we need to do if we go to that quiet place within ourselves.  There lies the subtle reassurance and directive voice that will guide us down paths that are healthy for us individually.  Take peace in that.  Pull from within yourself and trust that you know what you know.

Take Good Care Today.

You Are Fine the Way You Are

  I've spent a ton of time in my lifetime trying to improve myself.  I have never said, "There, Jane.  You are fine the way you are!  You look great at this weight, you have enough degrees, your soul has reached it's fullest potential!  Take a rest!"  I am not that kind of person.  But, I want to be...a little bit...

I want to settle down and know that I am fine the way I am, and in many ways, I have.  We have misconstrued notions of ourselves.  We think we could be better when in reality we're awfully good the way we are. If you are an over-achiever, like me, you strive for unreachable and sometimes unrealistic goals. (I don't mean unrealistic here, though that is a component.  I think I really mean unnecessary).

Seldom do we settle down and realize, we're fine the way we are.  If you are a person who constantly seeks to improve yourself, be accepted by others, etc., you don't come to the point very often where you say, I am done with this.  You seek ways to improve, hone skills, etc.  You want to climb every mountain and you want to improve on your time every time you scale the hill!

What I am truly trying to convey is that we don't have to always be working on ourselves with such dire desperation.  There are areas of our lives in which we already are winning.  We can let some things go.  We've achieved our potential; we've settled into success.   We are free to work on other areas....or not work at all...perhaps rest, enjoy and LIVE!

Take Good Care Today!

Moderation

If there is anything that has gotten me into trouble in my lifetime, it is not practicing moderation. I'm an extreme person.  I have over-eaten, over-exercised, over-worked, over-stressed...you name it, I can go over-board.

I have had to learn to be moderate.  It isn't always easy.  If I lessen my work load, I feel guilty just relaxing.  If I over-exercise, I am either too sore to move or I get addicted to that high and it consumes my life pushing all other needs to the edges and making them take a back seat.  If I overeat I am sick and over my goal weight.  If I overwork, I am extremely tired and rundown.  We all know what over-stressing is like...miserable. I am even addicted to education! 

I missed the Moderation Boat when I was forming my character.  I just did.  It totally left the dock without me on it and I have striven my entire life to find moderation and apply it to the excessive areas of my personality.  I have conquered quite a few on my list.  It is hard work.

It is good to look at ourselves and practice calming down in some areas.  Just being moderate has kept many people sane.  Moderate people are enjoying life more than we excessive folks are.  They don't get all crazy about things.  They breathe!  It is a good idea to breathe!  

Perhaps if we try to notice the next time we are going nuts, we stop in the middle and suggest to ourselves a more even or calm way to complete that which we are working.   Whether it is inner or outer work, we can relax a little.  Rome wasn't built in a day.

Take Good Care Today.

Books Are Knowledge

One statement I always tell my students is that books are free knowledge.  We live in a nation where libraries are still free.  There are free downloadable books.  People sell books for a dime on their lawns.  Wherever you go, you can find something to read.  There is no greater way to fill your mind with knowledge than with a book.

When I was a little girl we had virtually nothing.  We moved a lot, often spur of the moment.  I don't remember having a book for a long time.  When I was around 8 years old, we moved to an apartment that was literally right next door to the town library in a little New England town.  My favorite adventure was to go to the library and read books.  I stayed in the children's section for hours perusing the covers and indulging in the pages.  I would sit on the large window sills and stare out at pouring rain with head phones on and a cassette of Charlotte's Web in the tape player.

As I grew, I found it difficult to leave the library scene and I volunteered in libraries wherever my life took me.  I was blessed to have held some library jobs.  Each place I worked, I would stop and take books into my soul.  The touch and smell of a hard cover book cannot be replaced by electronic devices.  I love the tactical pleasure.  But, don't take my electronics from me for I have a vast library there as well.  I love books.  I love to fill myself with what they have to offer.  Books are free knowledge waiting to be consumed.

No matter what walk of life you are from, you can afford a book.  Do not let this opportunity to educate yourself for literally no expense pass you by.  Take advantage today of  a good book.

Take Good Care Today.

Spring is the Mischief

"Spring is the Mischief in Me."  ~Robert Frost

Spring is the time of year when all is new and fresh.  With the advent of spring comes the opportunity to think of your life and begin some things new.  If you are in need of any kind of 'spring cleaning' within yourself, either physically, mentally, emotionally...now is the time to take stock and make some adjustments.  This is the most promising time of year and it is okay to make a few of those promises to yourself. 

It is not that hard to set your mind to something and follow through.  We put a lot of baggage on the word, 'change' but it need not be difficult.  Change is good and change is necessary.  Change for the better is integral.  

We spend a lot of time trying to figure out how NOT to change.  We'll do just about anything to avoid it, including lying to ourselves, justifying everything, putting our own spins on things just to make them more palatable.  But the truth is, if you are spending all this energy avoiding change, you probably DO need to alter some of your ways.

Whatever it is, you can do it and you know what?  You'll feel 100% better for doing so.

Here are some common things we avoid:

Exercising

Losing weight

Cleaning

Organizing

Paying bills or dealing with monetary issues

And...the list goes on.

None of our issues feels good to carry around.  Pushing them away won't help.  Now is the time to take care of these issues so that you free up your heart and mind to enjoy the life you've been given.

Spring is the time to spring into action!

As Robert Frost said, "Spring is the Mischief in Me!"  Let it be the mischief in you as well!

Take Good Care Today!

Get Strong

 

There certainly is a balance in this life when it comes to caring for our bodies.  I realize we don't want to overdo and push ourselves to injury or pain.  However, I am going to get on my soap box about staying in physical shape.  I see absolutely no reason not to push ourselves off the couch and into some form of movement.  We need to keep our bodies strong, or we will age with difficulty.  

Age comes and there is no avoiding it and with the aging process comes an older body.  But, our bodies do not have to seize up and die!  Too many people just take what age has to offer and do not push themselves into making sure their bodies stay flexible and mobile.  It is a horrible disservice we do to ourselves.  

We need strong bodies.  Strong bodies support life.  They uphold strong minds. When we move our bodies we create strength.  We get oxygen to places that so desperately need it.  We give ourselves life and breath into the deepest crevices.  We support heath.

 It takes so little to get started.  Walking is a perfect exercise.  Lift a few weights between commercials.  We can institute 15 minutes of yoga into our daily schedule.  Any little bit helps and is beneficial.  You do not have to be intimidated by programs or people who work out for an hour or more.  Just do the portion you want to do.  Go your own speed, perform at your own level.  Each time you do so, you get stronger and healthier.

I really encourage you to get some exercise.  I truly believe it will help the aging process, minimize health issues and serve you well as each day shows its face to you.  Enjoy life all you can, get strong today!

Take Good Care.