Pushmepullyou

Remember the Pushmepullyou character from Doctor Doolittle? It had two heads and one body and when one end pushed the other pulled?  Do you ever feel like you are one of these? 

Expectations. Requirements. Obligations. Demands. There are far too many of these pushed upon us as women. There is just not enough of 'you' to go around. Some women can spin many plates in the air at the same time...and you may think I am one of them. I may think I am one of them. But, I am not.

When I first became a middle school teacher, I worked closely with a woman who, despite being older than me, could run circles around me. I couldn't keep up with her energy and I am pretty high high strung when on the job. (This is surprising some folks). I tried for years to match her enthusiasm, but it just never happened. Eventually, I found my own speed and settled into my own pace. THANK GOD because trying to keep up with someone else was exhausting!

However, there are still many ways we are pushed and pulled. If you are anything like me, you feel stretched in many directions to attend this or that, volunteer here or there, perform some mission or other. There are so many worthy and wonderful places our energies could and should go. In fact, there are too many! Life's demands are outrageous. How do we know what speed we should go?

Usually, with me, I am hit between the eyes with a virus, bug, flu...you name it...when I have overdone. I try so hard to put on a good show that I can keep spinning those plates for quite awhile. When I was in my 30's I remember setting my alarm clock for two a.m. so I could wake up and fold clothes in the middle of the night and then return to bed. I also would awaken at four in the morning to run in the dark if I had a busy day and knew I wouldn't be able to get a run in. WHAT????? I know. I know. I hear you. I see it now. Stupidly ridiculous. I think that when our lives are out of control, we do weird things to gain control. We don't always pay attention to the speed we're traveling.

Finding your own pace of life is crucial. I know I need balance. I have had to say no to many events or opportunities. Working full time really is enough. That takes a lot out of a person. Because no one in this life just 'works' and does nothing else. We have so many other chores. There are also those things we feel we need to do to either impress or maintain a certain image … perhaps gain popularity, look better to our bosses – you name it. These are all pushing and pulling at us. I suggest sitting down and planning out one or two things you are willing to give of your free time to do and then do them. When someone comes to you with an amazing new project, think first. Say, you'll think about it. If you say yes and then dread the heck out of it, you know it wasn't a good choice for you.

I know that I need my calming down time. I cannot give 100% at my job every day unless I have some time to myself to think and rest and be ME. My creativity suffers if I don't get this – and I have a highly creative and intense job. Being boring and mundane does not go far with 11-14 year olds!  But, if I want them to get the best of me, I have to have the best of me first so I can serve them the best Jane! It may be similar with you. Choose wisely those extra situations you place yourself. Can you healthily manage the time away from home? What will suffer if you spread yourself too thin? Weigh everything carefully so that you are able to enjoy each day, never dreading, never regretting. These choices are yours and yours alone. You are in control of YOU. You can't do it all.

Take Good Care Today.

Let Some Things Go

No, let's not sing that popular song, “Let it Go.” (You now are singing it, aren't you?) I know we are all sick of it, but the message is truly timeless. Just 'let it go.' Whatever is it, whether it is old or new—let it go. Easily said, not so easily done. And....if you are anything like me....you may let it go, but you pick that DANG thing back up again. I really STRUGGLE with letting something go and leaving it there.

Little things sometimes urk the heck out of me. Someone says something that is hurtful and unnecessary and I can't seem to let it go. I do all the right self-talk, I get encouragement and affirmation from a friend, I do all the proper mental exercises...and then I just don't let it go. Few things are worth putting yourself through mental anguish (and yet I do it). Any mistake you make can be fixed. I used to tell my children that there isn't anything they can do (aside from murder) that can't be fixed. When Ellen was a little girl and colored outside the lines, I would tell her to make a heart or a flower at that spot to smooth over the rough area. How telling that is of my personality!? Why take in things that we know are going to bother us? Why listen to others as if they are telling you truths when you know they have no way of knowing? Let them all go. Listen to your own heart. Not many people are gifted with the ability to see inside your soul, know your true heart and intentions and then adequately verbalize these to you. In fact, I am not sure anyone is. So, if something happens that hurts your heart, makes you upset or attempts to ruin your perfect little day: Let It Go.

And leave it there. This takes practice. It might help if you write it down and then throw the paper in the trash. Any kind of physical representation of that act may help. I mean, you could write it down, twirl three times chanting around it and then chew it up, spit it out and flush it down the toilet...whatever works for you. Do not put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect or heed every person's thoughts about your life. Listen with nonjudgment, add a reasonable value to what is said to you and then choose to use or choose to throw away. The choice is yours. If you can't use it to your benefit....by all means......Let It Go.

Take Good Care Today.

HOPE

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -” Emily Dickinson

“What is my word today?” I gasped between the steamy sprays of the shower waters. “What is MY word?” I wanted a word to start out the new day. I needed something to help me grow and change ...something to which I could cling. Something that would help me survive. I was not in a good place. All around me my life was crumbling. I couldn't seem to make it through any part of a day without crying. I needed a damn good WORD. I needed a miracle word.

“Hope.” Day after day, my word was HOPE I wanted a word that was glamorous and trendy. I wanted a word that produced sheer exhilaration and immediate thrilling sensations that would pull me through and hoist me up. I wanted a word that would mosh pit me across all problems and drop me on the other side. Nada. Not happening. Not even close. The word, HOPE, is slow. The word, HOPE isn't easy. It requires work. For, you see, the word HOPE is not always a noun. It is not passive. The word, HOPE, is often a VERB. An ACTIVE WORD. You have to do something! You have to push energy into HOPE . You have to literally reach down into the center of your being and pull yourself up by those proverbial bootstraps and push that HOPE out and in and up and through. HOPE is work. To HOPE is not sedentary. It demands action.

So, hope I did. I hoped. I prayed and hoped and hoped and prayed. Slowly but surely, I began to come through some very LARGE issues and struggles. I clung to hope, I practiced hope, I spoke hope, I slept hope. It is not an easy life, but hope cannot be dropped from our lives or we lose it all. There are many accounts of people who have literally existed on nothing more than hope. I think of those poor Jewish prisoners in concentration camps in Nazi Germany. What did they have besides hope? I wonder if they could even muster that? But, if you read their stories you often find they held on to hope....even when it was the darkest.

May our lives never be so horrid that we have not one good thing. However, if these times do hit, it is important to remember that 'hope is the thing with feathers,' and a little hope can make any situation more bearable. Do not give up hope, dear friend.

Take Good Care Today.

Snow Day Gift to YOU!

White Night
by Mary Oliver

All night
I float
in the shallow ponds
while the moon wanders
burning,
bone white,
among the milky stems.
Once
I saw her hand reach
to touch the muskrat's
small sleek head
and it was lovely, oh, 
I don't want to argue anymore
about all the things
I thought I could not
live without! Soon
the muskrat
will glide with another 
into their castle
of weeds, morning
will rise from the east
tangled and brazen, 
and before that
difficult
and beautiful
hurricane of light
I want to flow out
across the mother
of all waters, 
I want to lose myself
on the black
and silky currents,
yawning,
gathering
the tall lilies
of sleep.

Turn Your Mood Around

I suppose there are those who aren't interested in what I am about to say. I know there are people who hate to see the eternal optimist come around the corner with her sappy smile and peppy step flailing an entourage of balloons and love notes...but here I come. Again, I can't help it. I am that person. My childhood was such that I was forced to either dwindle in the depths of despair, or look for happiness under every rock-hard problem. I chose to rise above. It really wasn't a choice. There was no one  to help me make happiness out of nothing; I just did it.

We won't get into all the struggles I had put upon me in childhood; suffice it to say that I learned early-on that if I wanted any joy, it would have to be self-generated. So, I became a joy-making machine. I learned to bake for people, write encouraging notes to others, and go the extra mile to make someone smile. It became evident to me that when I was down, a good way to distract myself was do something nice for someone else. This is a very, very helpful hint if you begin to enter into depression or self-pity. Get up and do for others.

You see, we CAN change our moods. If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, do you want to spend the rest of the day grumpy? No. You don't. Life is too short to ruin even one day by giving in to misery. Bring joy back around. How? Change your mind, change your thoughts, change your mood. Tell yourself that enough is enough, you won't stand for a joyless day and put on the happy!

I began using this on myself at a very early age and I used it in rearing my two children. I still use it on myself. I am blessed to have a husband who will ask me to help him change his mood if he is not his best self. He tells me he needs me to cheer him up and cheer him on. That is so healthy. If you can't pull yourself up, by all means, call a friend. That is what friends are for.

Change your mood today if you have to. Remember, you CAN do it because it can be done. As Yoda says, “Do or do not, there is no try.” I say, “DO, there is no try.” You possess the ability to DO anything within yourself.

Take Good Care Today.

Dress (FOR) Yourself

Anyone who personally knows me knows that I am the Guru of Wardrobe. I don't know why or how this happened to me. I developed this partially because I love beautiful things and partically because I love to feel beauty. When I was in high school I fought to not conform to the style that others wore. I like something different and always have.
I was terribly poor as a child and had very little. When I was 16, I worked professionally in a summer stock theater company and traveled a lot. Our troupe would pull into a new town on tour and I'd search for a second hand store. I usually found one. One day I found one that was hosting a .10 sale which went perfectly with my $12 budget. I knew I would be starting my senior year of high school and I needed clothes! I spend the entire $12 at the store! Indeed, I had a new wardrobe. (I think there were a pair of shoes in there that cost a little more...) This experience may have birthed my love of putting together a gorgeous wardrobe frugally.
I love very nice clothes that are well made, classic and not too flashy (except for fur, I love fur). I don't like a lot of print or bright colors. I like my clothes to last and to hold their value. However, I am rarely willing to pay the full prices of expensive companies. I think these places just want you to pay for their names, even if they make quality, classic clothes. These ideas  have worked well for me over the years and I am happy to share them! So, here are my hints for shopping for amazing pieces:
~Shop second hand stores fairly regularly and don't pass up on a good piece even if it is expensive for the store...it is probably way cheaper than new
~know which brands are well made
~know what colors look great on you (I will talk more about this in a later post)
~Shop clearance racks
~Attend clothing swaps
~Ebay! (new or nearly new clothes can be bought for a fraction of the original cost)
~Know your style
~Know what looks good on you
~Don't be afraid to experiment with alterations
~Outlet shop (costs more, but still much less)
~Watch for online sales that offer free shipping in conjunction with a sale



If you have an aversion to wearing second hand clothing and you realize that once something is washed in very hot water and dried in a dryer nothing could possibly live on it, stick to sale racks or places like TJMAXX, Marshalls or outlet stores.
Recently, I've had a ball shopping for 'New with Tags' clothing on Ebay. I can sit in my comfy clothes and peruse online and later get something in the mail to open! I search for a specific women's clothing company and indicate my size-voila! – I find very nice, discounted clothing.
Everywhere and anywhere I go, I am told that I look stylish and fabulous. I treat my wardrobe as an extension of myself. It reflects my personality. I am the word 'diva' incarnate. I love to look a little flashy and expensive and I don't mind telling people that the look is seriously not expensive. I just get a thrill from it. You may not be this way, but if you are NOT dressing FOR yourself, I encourage you to do so. Think about what you need...play around at different places...locate items and enjoy! Nothing makes you feel better than looking great.
NOTE on sizing. DO NOT worry so much about size. It is a number on the tag and it varies so much between companies. I can wear anything from a four to a ten. Just try things on! If you are looking online, you kind of have to know the brand and how they size. Some stores run larger and some smaller. Don't worry about the number though. It is NEVER you who doesn't fit, it is the clothing that doesn't fit you. You are perfect the way you are.
This is a HUGE subject, so I will write about it again at a later date. Just begin to think about what kinds of clothing make you feel wonderful and initiate the beginnings a new wardrobe. You should look forward to stepping into your clothes and out into life dressed as your true self.




Take Good Care Today.

Claim it and Name it

Stand up and take a bow. Pat yourself on the back. Curtsy. Buy yourself flowers. Why? Because you have achievements that need to be acknowledged and celebrated! You know you have. You haven't made it this far in life without having accomplished a few amazing things. Did you acknowledge these attainments or did they go unnoticed by the world? If no one celebrated with you over your acquirement, please, please, please, take the time to make a big deal about them now.

There is no reason why you can't toot your own horn. Why shouldn't you take good care of yourself by making sure you are properly honored? Go back 10 years if you have to –20 or 30—why not? Did you get a college degree that went without a party? A new job that went without a celebratory dinner? A birthday came and went and no one noticed? Go ahead and party! I give you permission. (Though you don't need it). Make a plan and make sure you are properly recognized for those special achievements.

Here are some ideas:

Write yourself a love letter
Send yourself flowers
Buy a new outfit
Send yourself a Congratulatory card
Host a party in your honor
Take yourself to dinner, lunch, brunch (or all)
Make a HUGE banner exclaiming how great you are.

It is so very important to care for yourself this way. We can't always count on others to bless us with a special treat when we've done some amazing feat. However, what we can do is make sure we do so for ourselves. Life is WAY TOO short to let one little thing go under-valued. Praise yourself and PARTY. You so deserve it.



Take Good Care Today.

Life's Essence: True Love

It was three degrees below zero. The sun shone brightly through the frosty windows. January was on its way out, but the cold would prove its presence. I sat in my living room, with little homemade curtains and the braided rug I'd gotten from my mom's home when she moved. At 22 years old, I had seen a few things, lived through some struggles, had a couple of achievements. But, this day was new and very, very different. This was the day that would set a new precedence for the rest of my life. This was the day I first held my new born, first born, child.

Can you feel it with me? Can you sense the little fingers and toes? I remember his little mouth shaped like a little O – as if in wOnder. His little eyes looked around the room brightly and expectantly. This was my baby. This was pure joy. This was TRUE LOVE.

There is no other love like this. None. The love you feel for a child you just birthed is one-of-a-kind. It is not for everyone to feel. Some don't want this feeling. Some aren't given this opportunity.  I surely didn't know what it would feel like before it happened. I was lucky enough to feel it twice in my life.

You know what? I still feel it. I am in that glowing place right now as I write this. I wanted the world to go away on that frigid January morning so that the I could keep the small little wonder all to myself and never let it go.

But, we can't do this. We can't hold other people down. We have to let them live. We must encourage them to grow. We must take our place in the audience of their lives and watch from a distance.

That child is 28 years old today and I am in utter and incredible awe of him. I don't know of a better young man. This is a man who served his country in war by putting his own life at risk. This is a man who calls his mother to tell her silly little things he's witnessed or heard. He is my favorite man. He always will be. I ENJOY him with the deepest love and respect a mother can have. Happy Birthday, sweetie...and happy remembering to me.

Who has your truest, truest love? Appreciate and enjoy them today.



Take Good Care Today.

We're All the Same

It can be easy to feel intimidated by others. Whether they are coworkers or people who hold titles that are in leadership over us, we sometimes feel insecure. If you ever get a twinkling of a feeling that someone is 'better' than you, I tell you this: DO NOT GO THERE. No one is better than anyone else.
We all walk through this life. Some of us struggle more than others. Some people have more possessions, education, abilities, talents—but we are all the same. Inside of our hearts that beat blood through our bodies we all possess potential and are worth the value of a human life. You are just as good as any one else and no one can ever claim to be better than another. (Well, they can claim it...but it is unsubstantiated.)
Don't let anyone ever put themselves over you. Insecure people will try to get their security by putting others down and making fun of others. This is a cheap way to feel good about yourself. It is also futile. In fact, it works in reverse. Do people ever really 'feel' better about themselves after putting another person down or making fun of them? No. I say not. If someone puts you down, it is important to remember that their insults are about them and them alone. They have nothing to do with you and you should not accept them. Place a shield around yourself and do not let hurtful comments in because they are entirely and 100% not about you.
Also, don't let yourself be pulled into a group of others that get their kicks from putting others down. It is not a true friendship and will turn on you the minute you leave the room. Besides, it is low and unenlightened.
Whenever I am around people who intimidate me, I try all the harder to bring a calm reality to the situation. I act just as if I would if I were with my closest friends. I smile and realize that these folks are just like me and there is no reason for me to be afraid. I remain professional when I have to be, but I keep in my mind that there is no need to fear. I know my abilities and talents will carry me and I need not fear that I am not enough. I have confidence in myself.
Remember, if you are in a situation today that brings on fear or intimidation, smile at those around and let them know that you know we are all the same inside. It will probably put them at ease as well.



Take Good Care Today.

Operation Pajama Day A.K.A When You Feel Like Crap and Need a Mental/Physical Health Day

Here's your ticket. It is free. A free pass on a day. You are allowed. It might be once a year; it might be once every couple of months...depending on your circumstances. You know when you need a pajama day. You might be physically ill, run down, under-slept (?), constipated (I went there), under-joyed, overworked, exhausted mentally, driven to distraction---you know when it happens. By paying close attention to your body and sensing its signals, you can help yourself stay well by giving yourself permission to TAKE A BREAK AND REST!
By listening to your body you can save yourself the added stress of coming down with an illness. Often when we are irritable and over-sensitive and wonder what is wrong with us, we end up coming down with an illness soon after. We aren't that different than a toddler. Remember the days when your toddlers were grumpy and squirmy and there was nothing you could do to make them happy...and suddenly they awoke in the middle of the night with flaming red cheeks and a double ear infection? (Ben was two and I thought, “Oh great, this is the terrible twos!” But it only lasted that one day. Incidentally, that was the only day Ben was ever bad in his life and he's 28 now!)
Heed what your body says. It will tell you what's going on if you listen, look closely and be aware.
Now, I don't mean  hyper examine yourself to the point of hypochondria. I've stood in the mirror and examined the first two knuckles on my right hand for a half an hour fully convinced they are swollen and arthritic and I am doomed to be crippled forever! Then after awhile realizing that whether it's a reality or not, there isn't much that I'm going to be able to do about it so why bother to worry? So, I went on with my day. (I think I was delusional.) But, if my back starts twinging and I ignore that, or get that weird feeling in my throat...I better take some time to rest.
And it isn't just physical hints. Ours minds will give us very clear signals when they are pooped out. If you find yourself complaining about everything and everyone, you might need a little down time away. If you can't move your neck from side to side because of pent up stress, you should jump in your p.j.'s and cuddle up with a dog. Each of us has signals. God forbid something be really wrong with you and you missed the sign.
There is a balance to be aware of here. Do not give in to every little thing that ails you. As my daughter once told me, “Sometimes you just have to put on a pot of coffee and push through the work.” We often have to push through, but do so with care for yourself. If you can't push through, you know you need a day. Cozy up in those pajamas and snuggle down. You will reap the benefits of great health, both mentally and physically. Trust me, the world will go on without you.  

Take Good Care Today.

Nurture Joy

Wherever you go and whomever you come in contact with; nurture joy.  Joy’s alternative is misery and sadness.  We do not want to be known for nurturing these.  We should desire joy and with that desire we help heal heartache and pain. 

Joy is achievable no matter what your life’s circumstance.  I used to believe that if I lost everything, I would crumble and die.  Years of experience have taught me that we are not our ‘home’ or our ‘belongings’.  We simply are not.  In fact, there is a freedom in owning nothing.  I am not suggesting that we pare down to five pairs of pants, two forks and one towel while living in a box car.   I LOVE my things and my home.  I enjoy owning them and I don’t mind working hard for them.  But if I lost them all tomorrow, I would rise like the Phoenix, out of the ashes and go on to live again and be joyful again. (Of course, I'd wallow in misery for awhile; my best friends would love me through it;  hubby would hold my hand; time would pass and WALLAH~!  JOY!)

I don’t want to lose everything and my heart goes out to those who have.  What a hard trial to go through if it happens.  I send warm prayers out right now that none of you reading this ever has to go through this…but if it happens…you will be fine and able to find joy again. 

They say everyone has a set ‘happiness’ point.  No matter what you go through in life, you are able to stay at a certain point of happiness.  You may veer on either side of the  point a little, but you will always return to about the same place.  I want to disagree with this a little.  YOU CAN CHOOSE TO NURTURE JOY in yourself and in others.  Why?  Because you can do anything.  You can raise that set point  of joy within yourself.  I know because I have. 

My daughter used to tell me that when I met an acquaintance in the grocery store (or anywhere) I would smile kindly and sweetly.  However, she would go on to say that I would keep smiling this dorky smile through my whole shopping trip!  With nothing to smile about other than olives and macaroni!  I was unconscious that I was doing this seemingly dimwitted thing. I think I am lifted in spirit when I see someone I know and we chat.  It fills me with joy...so I smile. (and smile and smile and smile).   I know I do this, I have caught myself doing it.  You know what?  I am glad I do it.  I want to nurture joy everywhere I go.  I know I fail sometimes, but more and more, every day, I am able to do so consistently and from the heart. 

Nurture joy today friend.  

Don't be a Woodpecker

Are you being a woodpecker?  Do you bang your head against a tree repeatedly trying so hard to get the worm inside?  I watched a woodpecker for a good five minutes yesterday.  It pecked so hard-over and over- and man! - it didn't look like it was getting anywhere to me!  If it was, it was very, very slowly. I know Woodpeckers are made for this head banging but I don't think humans are meant to bang their heads against a hard surface repeatedly.  After being in awe of this magnificent and beautiful creature, I thought to myself, "I'm glad I'm not a woodpecker!" It hurts too much to work so hard and achieve nothing.  

But sometimes I am.  Instead of setting my mind on something and sticking with it until I reach my goal, I peck, peck, peck at the goal with too little effort and I get no where fast.  If I just followed through and put some real work in, I would find success more quickly and not have had to peck so long for no worm!

I make excuses.  YUP.  I do.  I know full well that living with the pecking is FAR worse than actually doing what needs to be done.  It hurts more and lasts longer.  Why do I do it?  I suppose it is instant gratification.  Sticking with my goal is, in the short term, easier to ignore than the pecking. I mean, it's only one peck.  I can do one peck.

One peck at a time,
 at a time,
 at a time.
 PECK.
Then do something else and time lapses.
PECK.
Something else.
PECK.
Result:  a year goes by and no goal achieved

Weeks go by and we wonder, how come I haven't reached that goal or accomplished that task?  Well, silly, you pecked instead!

Story:  After finishing my B.A. (three years) I jumped into getting two endorsements on my teaching license  which required about the same amount of work as a Master's Degree. This took a three years. When I finished the two endorsements, I thought, "Well, better get a Master's Degree."  It would have been very easy to put it off and the 3.5 year program seemed daunting.  But, I knew that  3.5 years would end sooner if I began right away.  So, I did it.  I finished two summers ago.  Done.  (Don't think I'm too great, I can't lose 5 pounds because I can't make it through one weekend without sticking to good eating!)

Let us not peck at nothing but put our efforts where they need to go to achieve our goals.  Life is too short to waste time pecking.  You are NOT a woodpecker.  Be resolute!

Take Good Care Today.  :)

Thursday is the New Friday

If you have heard this statement at your workplace, you should know, I'm the one who invented it.  I came up with it because I am always looking for a way to get through the week, the day, the minute, the hour.  This originated from my years of battling anxiety.  In order to assuage my panic, I would imagine something better!  I would imagine the comfort of my home, the couch, the dogs, the kids, watching a movie-anything.  I do this now, less for my anxiety, but more because I just like it!

I love evenings and weekends.  It is not that I don't love my job.  I totally do.  But, who doesn't love evenings and weekends?  No one is telling you what to do, you don't have to 'work' for someone else. You get to be on 'your own time' doing 'your own thing'--even if that thing is lame...it is yours and yours alone!

Thus came my saying, "Thursday is the new Friday."  I've been known to go into Wednesday sometimes and claim that, "Wednesday is the new Thursday,"  but I don't get as many happy looks on this one.  I think people's side glances mean that they aren't quite sure what planet I'm from.  If Thursday is the new Friday, then Thursday is totally awesome and Friday rocks the world!  We all know Saturday is the creme de la creme of days!  It is now only Sunday we have to be VERY careful with.  If you get into this ANTICIPATE-THE-NEXT-DAY thing...you are now on dangerous ground.  Monday, with all its headaches, lurks like a storm cloud.  One has to be very, very trepidatious with Sunday.  Do not think too much on Sunday.

Here's a thought:  I work with a woman who LOVES LOVES LOVES Mondays.  She says she enjoys the fact that they are fresh and new and you have the whole week laid out before you!  I like that !  I have started to appreciate Mondays more since she told me this.  I see her on Mondays and I try to suck energy from her.  It works!  But, to be honest, on Monday, I am looking forward to Monday evening most of all.

These little tricks are good for us.  There is nothing wrong with talking up something in your brain to encourage yourself.  It is healthy to speak encouraging words to yourself.  If it helps you get excited about an event or calms your heart down, please use your inner voice to care for yourself.

I think you'll enjoy each day more and thank yourself for it!

Take Good Care Today!

Girl Friend Power

Girl friends are a treasure. One should have them on speed dial! I make girl friends easily. I love people and am outgoing. I seem to bond easily. Luckily there are people who like my style of person. (not everyone, trust me on this one) Some of my friends have closely walked through life with me (there have been times they have carried me) for literally 30 years or more. Other friends are newer to my life but have given so much to me through their wisdom and loving kindness. 

Everyone who knows me knows I adore my husband and more importantly to my dear friends- they know how much HE adores me! This means a lot to them. But, for as much as I love my husband—I need my gal pals. There are times I just look at him and say, “forget it, I'm calling Leann or Kathy.” He is useless to help me in some situations. I don't mean that to be harsh---but when I've gained 2 ounces and I'm having a fit about it—he is not going to have the patience or words to talk me off the cliff. I have to have a certain friend for that. If I want to scream because I can't find the humor in a situation, I know just who to call! There is a friend for every occasion! (Just Kidding). My point is that without my female, women friends, my life would be much harder and devoid of a lot of perspective and creativity. I bet you have a similar experience.

On the other hand, I am pretty sure I offer a whole lot to their lives as well. I hope I do, anyway. I have my gifts, too...and so do you. I know I am encouraging and supportive. I can offer sound advise in most any situation. I've dropped everything and run to a friend's house in the late evening when her husband suddenly left her. I've offered my home as a safe house when an abusive husband was on the prowl. Less dire, but just as necessary, I've walked in 10 degrees up a mountain and down the other side with my gal pals just to share our lives and get some exercise. Without my friends, I'd be little. Just little. Because of them, I am HUGE! And besides, everyone has to have someone with whom they share their poop stories!

I hope to bring a smile to your faces today and encourage you to call on that Girl Friend Power when you need it! Celebrate together! Cry together! Work together! Support one-another. LOVE each other. Smooth over tiny differences and enjoy the richness of true, long-lasting girl friendships.

Take Good Care Today!

Make Your Home a Safe Haven

The world is harsh. The news reports little but sad and horrific stories. People are stressed as we're feeling pushed to our maximum output. We run just to keep up. Costs are always rising. One can feel defeated and depressed easily.

But don't! Don't even go there. Each bill you receive in the mail, each cold weather blast, car accident, broken pipe, is 'just a thing'. These 'things' will repeatedly happen in our lives and we can't be devastated by each and every one. We must look beyond each crisis to the clearing ahead. Things will clear, they always do. You can look back on your life right now and remember times that were hard. Gosh, I have personally let some things take me down! I wasn't strong enough to know that all I had to do was realize these 'things' were just 'things'. They weren't ME. I WAS FINE.
One way to live in this calm zone is to create an atmosphere of serenity and calmness. Our homes should be our havens. They should be a safe environment in which we reside. They should express what we need them to so that we can face the world regenerated and refreshed. Decorate your home with colors and items that bring you peace. Place your furniture where you like and want it: NOT where everyone else has theirs. If you want your couch in front of your dining room picture window, by all means, move your dining room table somewhere else and place it there! Who made the rules? Make your home what you need it to be for YOUR happiness and enjoyment.

Create space, lighting, sounds, views, etc., that speak to you-- that soothe your soul. Hang pictures at your own eye level, use your fine china every day, be weird and eclectic and creative. If you don't know what you like, borrow or buy magazines on decorating. Peruse the internet. Make a scrap book of what you love. It might be beads hanging in an entry way, or stenciled hallways. Whatever you love, create it! Display it! Surround yourself with all the beauty you can. Bring it into your home and let it shine forth for you and to you. Let what you love permeate comfort and serenity into the soul of your four walls. No one should ever look around her home and feel unhappy and unsatisfied. Sure, you may want new counter-tops and new floors (ME) but do what you can to make the existing ones something you can live with until you get those things.

Here are some ideas:

~Do 10 minutes clean ups regularly. (if you don't have time to wash the dog spit off the window, put the Windex on the counter with a paper towel to remind yourself when you have a second) ( More on this at a later date).
~Think outside the box when decorating (recently saw a cute idea for bookshelves made from discarded pallets
~String little lights up as they seem to bring cheer and comfort (or hang on a large indoor plant)
~Clear clutter by putting everyday items in baskets
~Display books in stacks (they make great tables and add interest to your decor!)
~Bring in some pine cones, pussy willows or other free items of nature
~Cover your table with a fresh table cloth (sometimes I use one panel of a curtain)
~Set your table in the morning for dinner (use charger plates, pretty napkins, candles, etc.)


Ladies, life is hard and not so sweet at times. If we don't generate our own sweetness, it'll never happen. If you are out of ideas or feeling dull, try this: with a notebook in hand go into a room with the eyes of a home decorator. Now, look around the room and write down ideas that can and should be done. Does it need to be hoed out? Could a comfy chair and lamp be placed in the corner? What if that desk was replaced with a bookshelf? Could this room use a round rug in the center? Any idea is fine! Just jot it down and begin changing what is around you to reflect and support who you are and the incredible life you want to live!



Take Good Care Today.

Use it or Lose it!

The TV commercial says, “a body in motion stays in motion.” This is actually true. It was Salem, Massachusetts, 2013, June. We toured the town on foot for so many hours that we literally couldn't get up after lying down for an hour at the Inn. We had to PUSH ourselves to go out to dinner and a movie!

Sometimes ladies, we need a little PUSH. I love to sit on the couch and play Bejeweled for hours on end. I dream of the couch. If I am ever having a less-than-optimal day, I think of the couch and how I can't wait to sit on it. I love looking around my beautifully-decorated home; I enjoy peering out the window at my flower gardens. Hubby often waits on me (so nice!) just so I don't have to get up off the couch! But, clearly I do get up. I wouldn't have the beautifully-decorated home (it is to me!), or the flowers in the garden outside my window if I never got up. I wouldn't have a life! We all need a life and a good one at that. Sometimes we have to PUSH to get the hard things done so we can sit on the couch and reap the rewards.

No one loves every part of their lives. We don't all enjoy work. We don't all get a kick out of putting in a garden or painting a wall. I don't LOVE running. I enjoy the benefits of it. I often have to PUSH myself to do the things that I need to do in order to have a great life. Yes, part of that terrific life is sitting on the couch. But, that is down time...we'll talk about down time at another point. This is about UP time. PUSH UP time. Accomplish what needs to be done. It is good for you. What an amazing feeling to know that you have done the necessary and can now sit with that happy knowledge.

Sometimes we have to PUSH ourselves to exercise. Today I hiked up a mountain and ran down. As I was running down I thought about how amazing it felt. Now I am on the couch and feel even better about sitting here writing to you because my body is in great health and my mind has followed it. It was good for me (and Fae the Rottweiler). Yes, I had to PUSH myself some because it was only 15 degrees out. However, I know I needed it.

Here are some ways to PUSH yourself throughout the day:

run up the stairs
take stairs two at a time
stretch while cooking
stop and do 10 sit ups during every commercial
park farther away from store entrances
reach higher
Move more any way you can!



May you move more today. PUSH yourself to do it. Walk a little farther, stretch and reach, run up and down stairs. Just move your body. It is so good for you. A body in motion does stay in motion. You need this body to take you the rest of your life. Care for it and give it what it needs. A healthy body does equal a healthier mind and soul.


Happy PUSHING. Take good care today.  

Mirror Friend

Want to do something really weird today? Stand in front of a mirror and stare really hard at yourself. Stare so hard that you kind of freak yourself out and don't really feel like yourself anymore but just someone you are looking at. It can be a very odd sensation. It also is a healthy thing to do. We look at ourselves with such critical eyes that we judge ourselves with the most unharnessed, high expectations. 

 I know I have done this. All my life I've looked in the mirror and seen flaws instead of beauty. I have some idea of why this is, but I don't want this blog to be about my problems. (Suffice it to say that we take things in sometimes that we shouldn't when we are weak and unknowledgeable.) Back to the mirror! Try to look at yourself as if you were someone else. Who is that woman? Walk to and fro, watch the woman. Do you see her differently now that she isn't you? I bet you do.

Others are not looking at us with the eyes of a critic. I remember Dr. Phil saying once on his show that his father always said people aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. You know why? Because they are thinking about themselves wondering what you are thinking about them! We all think others are judging us and 9 times out of 10 they don't even consider us. We just aren't that important.

If, in fact, someone does judge you, it isn't about you anyway. It is about them. No one can judge you because no one really knows you. Only you can judge yourself and to be honest, we aren't impartial either.

The woman in the mirror is a woman. She has lived through much. She has worked hard for things. She is doing her best. Thank her as if she were not you. Smile at her. Look at her with eyes that are kinder today. Respect her a little more.  You'll be happier for doing so.

Take good care today.

Know Yourself

Who are you anyway? Do you know? Do you spend time analyzing yourself? It is important to do so. We should know what we are about. We should know what we stand for.

Let’s talk about our physical selves for a moment. Do you know your physical self? Do you know what you should weigh? Are your muscles strong? Could you walk/run a mile? How many protein calories do you need in a day? The answers to these questions might benefit your life. The more you know about how your body works the better you can care for it.

I know that I am different from one of my best friends. She can eat a lot more than I can. If I ate what she eats, I’d be overweight. I also know that my body looks pretty much the same whether I run 5 miles a day or 3 miles two times a week. I know that I need to weigh myself at least once a week or I will gain 10 pounds and never notice. If I don't  get at least  8 hours of sleep for more than a couple nights in a row, I’ll be ill.

I have made it my job to learn about my body. Having done this for many years, I have gotten good at it. I feel great and I am pretty happy with my physical self at this amazing age I have come to. However, it takes work. I don’t mind the work because the benefits are awesome. If I didn’t take great care of myself, my health and fitness would suffer and I don’t want that.

How much work do you put into yourself? Have you neglected the most important person in the world, lovely you? If you don’t put yourself before anyone else, there will be no you to care for anyone else. I WANT to care for myself. Don’t you?

I know you do. So, start today. Do the simple things. Make a list of some improvements you can implement that are free and easy. Like this:

Drink more water

Go for a walk/run

Go to bed a half hour earlier

Eat better

Rise earlier

Journal

Call a friend

Rest more if needed

Find ways to laugh

And then do them! ;0

Take good care today.

The Salad Days

“My salad days, when I was green in judgment, cold in blood, to say as I said then!” -Shakespeare (Anthony and Cleopatra)

I just love that quote! We all think back to days when we were younger and more innocent! But, I am not going to get into that this lovely day! I am, yes, going to talk about salad. I have been known for my amazing GREEN SALADS! I am going to share a secret with you. I am weird about food. I don't mind putting everything and anything in my salads. I may plop a hunk of guacamole or hummus in my salads. I have crumbled crackers on my salads. Hubby and I make homemade croutons for our salads. There are just so many amazing ways to spruce up a salad. Green salad can be a beautiful creation.

So here are some ideas:

~start with lots of mescalin greens (and don't rule out head lettuce, it has some nutritional      value, can be less expensive and delicious as well.)
~add any raw veggie you have in your fridge (what about buying bags that are already cut for   you? More expensive, yes, but easier and if it makes you eat more veggies...do it and stop    worrying about 50 cents. Save the money somewhere else.)
~boiled, chopped egg
~nice smokey cheeses
~olives, pickles...any variety
~raisins, any dried fruits
~nuts and seeds
~chicken, ham, turkey (left over chicken nuggets...you getting the idea)
~sliced fresh fruit or drained canned fruit
~frozen peas
~etc.........................................

You get the idea? Oh yeah, then plop a little guac or hummus or cottage cheese in the middle in lieu of salad dressing and you are good to go.


*Sparkling idea~ if you hate light dressings, (or even if you like them), cut regular dressings with water. They don't spread well when they are thick and you get more flavor for less calories. Just put a teaspoon of thick, regular dressing in a little dish and add water, stir and pour.


This kind of crazy and hearty salad is a MEAL in itself. You don't need to do any other cooking. It will fill you up and serve you well on the scale. One nice plate and your belly will be happy.

Chop. Chop. Take good care today.

Seriously?

“The tongue is the most remarkable. For we use it both to taste our sweet wine and bitter poison, thus also do we utter words both sweet and sour with the same tongue.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

“Jane, what kind of perfume are you wearing? It smells beautiful.”

“Thank you. It is Beautiful! It is by Estee Lauder. It was a Christmas gift.”

“Oh, it was a gift! That makes sense because you don’t make enough money to afford that.”

There it was. In the middle of my work day this was said to me. What does one say when someone says a thing like this to them? Dear friend, you may be that one-in-a-million woman who can come up with the perfect, witty response. My husband has this ability. (He’s the one who told me I should have asked the mean person that screamed awful words to me if that meant I wasn't getting a Christmas present from them.) I was not blessed with this talent. (However, I will think of the perfect response while replaying the incident in my mind 1000 times at 2 a.m.)

I know you have had a similar situation where you have been stumped with no words coming out of your mouth just when you need them most. I have a friend who simply stops everything and asks the person why they said what they did. Like this: “What makes you say that I don’t make enough money to afford an expensive perfume?” But, my bravery has not yet reached these heights.

I would like to offer you the opportunity to practice words that are disengaging but effective. If you NEED to say something, keep it simple and your tone very nonchalant. You could smile and say, “Seriously?” or “Wow.” You might consider saying, “Realllllllly?” (Tilt your head in disbelief but don’t be sarcastic!) One does not want to stoop to a low level. It is entirely fine to just walk away from the perpetrator. In fact, this is probably the enlightened response. This does take a strong person. Good for you if you are successful at this. It does take practice and unfortunately, there are always more chances to hone your skills.

Taking care of ourselves means that we should consider all words that come from our mouths before we say them. This is of the utmost importance when we speak to ourselves. We say the harshest words to ourselves. We really do. What if the next time you were about to say a nasty comment to yourself, you held your tongue and smiled instead? What if, after you say the mean comment, you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Really?” “Seriously?” “Are you kidding me?” Because, in reality, you are a person of worth and beauty.  Speak kindly to yourself, just as you wouldn't want someone to be rude to you...don't let yourself get away with it either.  

Try it. Take good care today. 

Your Wise Mind

The wise mind is that part of your brain that doesn't swim in emotional unheaval but gravitates toward calm, even-keeled thought processing. You have a wise mind. I have a wise mind. We all have wise minds. Do we use them? Not often enough. I am the biggest culprit of not entering into my wise mind often or quickly enough. Unfortunately, this has led to much hurt in my life and perhaps yours as well. I am here to tell you – use that wise mind.

If you are unfamiliar with your wise mind, let me remind you. Recently a person who doesn't know me well screamed my head off with insulting words and terribly painful accusations. I wish I could say that this 50 year old woman (me) smiled at the mean person and said, “Does this mean I won't be getting a Christmas present from you?” I wish I could say that this 50 year old woman (me) held my head up high and said, “You don't know me at all and I am sorry you feel this way.” I wish I could say this to you. I really do. However, I can't. What I can say is that I bawled like a child. Sobbed like a starving infant. I am telling you I cried like a wounded puppy. I WAS wounded. I allowed someone with no insight into my soul to affect me. (Can anyone have insight into our souls but us?) Then, to add insult to injury, I berated myself by agreeing with this awful human. (AND This went on for weeks).

Yup. That is what your dear author did. Let me just say, it wasn't pretty. Oh, where was my wise mind? It was there, but I didn't access it. I CAN access it. I HAVE accessed it. On occasion I have been so very wise that others would tip their wisdom caps at me. Not, however, on this occasion. That was so very long ago (2 months). Now, I know better. I jest, but I mean it. I DO know better now. Each time I don't access my wise mind, I learn. I learn more about myself, more of what not to do ever again, and more about the world around me and the humans who inhabit it.

Next time, because there will be one, I will go to my wise mind a little quicker. I'll probably still be upset, but maybe, just maybe not quite so long. I hope that I will use my wise mind sooner next time and allow myself to feel for just a moment but then enter right into intelligent thought processing. I know I have intelligent thought....:)

May you, on this day, exercise your wise mind and make intelligent, carefully thought-through decisions for your awesome self and its wholeness. May you find in that wise mind the strength to put your best self forward and live with joy, health and an inner glow. The world is full of mean people with evil intentions who take their hurting selves out on others. Don't let them do that. Protect yourself with your WISE MIND.

Take good care today.

The Best Laid Plans

Steinbeck had it right when he said, “The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray.” But!!!! That doesn't mean we should not plan. We should plan with flexibility as an option. Here's what I mean: if you are a person who has the best intentions of taking care of herself, yet feels like she fails so often at it, be advised you just haven't PLANNED well. Now, I know what Steinbeck says is true and I can bring to mind so many times I planned to the 'T' and had things all fall apart...BUT!!! The better the plan, the higher chance for a good outcome.

Now, I don't mean to take all spontaneity out of your lives. I don't mean this. Life should hold elements of spur-of-the-momentness. There is joy here. However, if your lack of planning is taking you through the drive-thru of fast-food restuarants or the candy machine at work a little too often, it is now high time to plan. Similarly, if your lack of planning has resulted in no time to go for a walk, do some situps or snow-shoe on a Saturday morning, you many want to rethink a few things. Here are a few ideas for you:

Chop all veggies up when you bring them home so that they are readily available to grab and go.

Boil a couple of eggs to take to work for a mid-morning snack.

Make a big pot of brothy soup for quick and easy, yet very filling, dinners.

Lay your clothing out the night before work and spend the extra time in the morning doing situps and pushups.

Lay your exercise clothes and shoes out before work so when you get home you just put them on and go outside. (This is my favorite because then I NEVER have that conversation with myself....'should I go, is it too cold, blah blah blah') (In fact...I don't allow that conversation to take place. If the clothes are out...I go.)

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with a plan. Planning is good. Planning helps us to accomplish things in life. Don't over plan yourself into a corner, but plan a little for yourself so you reap the benefits. There are benefits to reap! No one can tell you what it feels like to take good care of yourself. No one. You are the only one who can do it for yourself and you will know after about 3 days of sticking to a good plan how wonderful it is.

Yes, the best laid plans do sometimes go awry. But, with no plan at all nothing is ever achieved.

Suggestion: Buy a beautiful (or MAKE) notebook and write some plans for a better life today. Not just eating well and exercising...but for WHATEVER dream you've ever dreamt.

Take good care today.

You Can Get Excited

Frigid temperatures, darkness and sleepy eyes. These are not the kinds of thoughts that get me excited. If you are like me, you often can't draw on what is available in your immediate vacinity to get you going. This is why I project excitement. Here is how you do it: When you are in the middle of something that is unavoidable (getting ready for work, per se) and you are not having a great time...project into your mind images of a part of your day you are looking forward to. Sometimes it is not until 5 p.m but at least it is something to focus on so that you can get the excitement and energy to do what you need to do now. For me, in the dark, cold, sleepy morning, I think about the brightness of the snow once the daylight comes. That bright white energizes me and I am able to get bouncing! Students ask me a lot how I can always be happy and upbeat. Well, first of all, I am not. But I do notice that the older I get, the wiser I get, the happier I am inside. Part of this inner joy has come from knowing myself well and knowing what I need to do to get me to a place where I can function happily with a spring in my step.

So, today, I ask you to project some happiness into yourself. This will come with your mind, but it will also come with what you put into your body. Put good things into your body today. It's the perfect day to do so! No one needs to tell you what to eat, how much water to drink, or when to exercise. You are a big girl, you know these things. Do yourself a favor and get excited to live today! It is fun! There is nothing you can't bring fun into! (I like to play with the library stuffed animals while we have staff meetings. I do wonder if people think I'm nuts, but what is the harm in a little lightness when things are so serious? It helps me get through meetings. I still add intelligent comments and thoughtful responses while actively participating, but life needs sweetness and joy!) So it is with our minds and bodies...project joy inside yourself and the joy will come out and serve you well.

Take good care today.