Seriously?

“The tongue is the most remarkable. For we use it both to taste our sweet wine and bitter poison, thus also do we utter words both sweet and sour with the same tongue.” ― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

“Jane, what kind of perfume are you wearing? It smells beautiful.”

“Thank you. It is Beautiful! It is by Estee Lauder. It was a Christmas gift.”

“Oh, it was a gift! That makes sense because you don’t make enough money to afford that.”

There it was. In the middle of my work day this was said to me. What does one say when someone says a thing like this to them? Dear friend, you may be that one-in-a-million woman who can come up with the perfect, witty response. My husband has this ability. (He’s the one who told me I should have asked the mean person that screamed awful words to me if that meant I wasn't getting a Christmas present from them.) I was not blessed with this talent. (However, I will think of the perfect response while replaying the incident in my mind 1000 times at 2 a.m.)

I know you have had a similar situation where you have been stumped with no words coming out of your mouth just when you need them most. I have a friend who simply stops everything and asks the person why they said what they did. Like this: “What makes you say that I don’t make enough money to afford an expensive perfume?” But, my bravery has not yet reached these heights.

I would like to offer you the opportunity to practice words that are disengaging but effective. If you NEED to say something, keep it simple and your tone very nonchalant. You could smile and say, “Seriously?” or “Wow.” You might consider saying, “Realllllllly?” (Tilt your head in disbelief but don’t be sarcastic!) One does not want to stoop to a low level. It is entirely fine to just walk away from the perpetrator. In fact, this is probably the enlightened response. This does take a strong person. Good for you if you are successful at this. It does take practice and unfortunately, there are always more chances to hone your skills.

Taking care of ourselves means that we should consider all words that come from our mouths before we say them. This is of the utmost importance when we speak to ourselves. We say the harshest words to ourselves. We really do. What if the next time you were about to say a nasty comment to yourself, you held your tongue and smiled instead? What if, after you say the mean comment, you look at yourself in the mirror and say, “Really?” “Seriously?” “Are you kidding me?” Because, in reality, you are a person of worth and beauty.  Speak kindly to yourself, just as you wouldn't want someone to be rude to you...don't let yourself get away with it either.  

Try it. Take good care today.