Hurt As a Child

None of us escapes being hurt while growing up.  If we managed to make it through our parents not intentionally damaging us, we surely got hurt at school.  Maybe it was an insensitive teacher that picked too much  Perhaps it was a peer who bullied.  We each get scraped up as we grow up.  There is no avoiding it.  From birth - on - we face situations that cause us pain.

Sometimes, events that hurt us are completely unintentional.  A house fire or an car accident surely cause damage to a small child.  Even our parents, most of the time, didn't mean to cause us harm when they hurt us.  Words spoken out of anger or frustration come from parents all the time and most are good people who would never hurt a flea.  Even phrases like, "you're not that fat," or "you could have gotten an A+,"  are intentional but still tear at our hearts.   They  cause damage...even if unbeknownst to the speaker.  We just can't come out of childhood  unscathed.

What we do with that hurt as we grow up is another thing entirely.  Some folks take their childhood hurts into adulthood with them (I know no one who doesn't) and find it difficult to move smoothly through life with those past pains still attached.  Other people laugh off old hurts and move on with grace and ease.

Not so much for me.  I hung on to childhood struggles for years.  Maybe because I was an emotional, estrogen-laden young, creative soul...I don't know.  I just hung on to things and let them push me around for a very long time.  In fact, there are still past hurts that are now disguised by modern day coping mechanisms, but they originated way, way long ago and just look all shiny and new now.  But they aren't.  They began when I was a child and they morphed into grown-up-looking issues.  No prettier, just more mature. Indeed, if I had been able to let go of so many childhood pains what a different woman I would have been.

However, I didn't, and I haven't, altogether.  But, I am who I am.  I am sensitive, and self-conscious.  I am a worrier and I fret over things.  I get nervous and scared.  But, I am not as sensitive as I was when I was younger and I can take a joke made at my expense!  I am not as self-conscious as I once was.  I can walk in a room and rock it even with the 10 pounds I gained in my 40's.  I worry and fret about a few things, but then I put them away because I know I can't change them.  I do the best I can.

I bet you do, too.

Take Good Care Today.